Monday, January 20, 2014

Lessons from My Great Aunt Betty Cissel

Originally written on Monday, January 20, 2014

I recently came across a document in my "Family History" folder that I thought would be great to share with not only distant relatives who may never have read this tribute, but for anyone interested in being reminded of simple lessons in life.  This tribute to my great Aunt Betty, my grandfather's sister, was written by another sister of theirs, Delos Cissel  (pronounced "Deh-loss").  I don't remember meeting Betty or Delos, and my grandfather, John Floyd Cissel, died well before I was born .... when my father was still in high school.  Nevertheless, I can only hope some of her courage and wisdom were passed on to members of my family.  I'm certain my 12 year old daughter Maggie has inherited some of her sassiness!

Here are Delos' words, likely written, possibly read aloud, and certainly shared with family and friends upon Betty's death in 1971 or sometime thereafter:

Note:  [all words in brackets are my notes, additions and/or clarifications]
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As I Remember......

by Delos Cissel Wakeman

My sister, Betty, was born January 14, 1886, and destined to become the most beloved and most colorful member of our family, not from any great scholastic achievement, or spectacular financial accomplishment, but because of her unselfish love, loyalty, and cheerful acceptance of great responsibilities at a very early age, climaxed by an unprecedented independence that predominated her entire life, which was terminated, at the age of eighty-five, on July 6, 1971.

Her rapid-fire, spicy, charm will never be forgotten.  Her striking personality, in a large measure, is being perpetuated in her children and grandchildren, but she will always remain, in memory, the unique and indefatigable BETTY.

I have the sincere belief that she has reaped a special heavenly reward, and I am sure, even in Heaven, her halo is tilted at a "sassy" angle.  She and the "Littlest Angel" must be "bosom companions".

Betty's child-hood pictures show her to have been a dainty, beautiful little girl, with keen, dark-brown, piercing and flashing eyes, and slightly wavy brown hair.

Our Mother died when she [Betty] was a gay, vivacious, high-school girl of fifteen, the next oldest of seven children - an older, retarded brother, Hardy, two sisters, Doris, twelve, and myself, Delos, nine, and three younger brothers, Floyd, thirteen, Eric, seven and Carroll, five.  [This places the order and ages of all seven children when their mother died as Hardy, Betty (15), Floyd (13), Doris (12), Delos (9), Eric (7), and Carroll (5).  My middle name, Carroll, originates from this youngest sibling]

Our father hired a housekeeper for his flock of Motherless off-springs - a Miss Diggs, an impoverished Virginia "lady" who was to continue to teach us "good manners" and proper deportment.  She was quite strict and Betty, in her inimical way, defended us with spirited aplomb.  Miss Diggs didn't last very long, and we three younger children were sent to a private school, "Montrose", a Convent Boarding School in Baltimore, and Betty and Floyd were free to finish high school in D.C. and assist Dad in maintaining the home, with the help of a colored "all-purpose" household servant, supervised by the indomitable Betty.

While we were away at school, it was Betty who kept in close touch, taking care of our needs and constantly checking on our well being.  She was our Mother substitute and we loved her dearly.

After several years, dad remarried, shortly followed by Betty's marriage on April 18, 1906, the day of the San Francisco earthquake.  Her husband, John, took over our father's mercantile business and the family home at Wheaton [Maryland], when Dad and his new family moved to the "Farm", one mile away.

I was then at boarding school in Baltimore.  I very much disliked the farm and spent the greater part of vacations with Betty and family.  After I was graduated in 1910, and about that time Betty's husband had a serious mishap when he fell from a horse and was thrown against an object that injured his brain.  Despite medical treatment and consultation with Johns Hopkins specialists, he was thereafter mentally incompetent, as far as any responsibility was concerned.  The business failed and there were many debts, so John's parents assumed, from then on, the care of their son, in order that Betty could support her two babies.  It was necessary to give up the home in Wheaton, which reverted to the family estate, and so began Betty's career of real responsibility.  She was still under twenty-five, inexperienced, practically penniless, and with two very young children.

However, she was a "cocky" one and elicited no pity from anyone.  When leaving the family home, she rented, for a short time, a nearby house, planted a little garden and made future plans.

Her next move was to Silver Spring, where she rented a large, two story frame house and two "paying" guests from Washington [missing a few words from my copy] ... families, who wanted to escape the heat and live [missing a few more words].... winters, local teachers were accommodated.  I was then teaching in Glen Echo [Maryland], coming home for weekends.  Unfortunately, after several years, fire destroyed the place, including all Betty's worldly possessions.  The little girls were carried away to safety in their night clothes.

Undaunted, Betty rented a house in Woodside and continued to cater to the same clientele.

Her next move was to Chevy Chase Lodge, where she and our cousin, Bee Benjamin, ran a high-class boarding place during the summers.  One winter, during this tenure, we lived on Tenth Street, in Washington.

The war was on and about 1916 or 1917 Betty went to the Portner Apartment (15th and U. Sts.) to operate the Dining Room there.  A large Apartment was part of the deal and she rented two rooms, to a Congressman and a Lieutenant, who was an outpatient at Walter Reed Hospital.  Housing was at a premium, so there was no difficulty in getting desirable roomers.  At this time the young girls were at Holy Cross Academy, coming home for frequent weekends.  I was a part of the family always, working and contributing to the best of my ability.  However, in retrospect, I realize it must have been in a small way, and Betty, in her love and generosity, made no demands whatsoever.

In 1920, I was married.  We were still living at the Portner but the dining room was closed and Betty and I were both working at Crane, Parris & Company, Investment Bankers.  Somewhere along the line Betty worked on a night shift for the Government, Veteran's Administration.

Early in 1921, my husband and I went to Florida to live.  There was a period after this when Betty and the girls lived in Forest Glen, boarding with Aunt Rose.  Betty commuted to work in D.C.

Betty became ill, with a respiratory ailment and around 1924, upon advice of her Doctor, she and the girls came to Florida, where we had obtained a position for her with a Realty firm.  It was during the "Boom".  Her health improved and she prospered to the extent of buying a small house near the high school where her daughters attended, followed by Junior College.  When the "Boom" burst and we all went "broke", Betty sold her home and took her family back to D.C., and shortly, through our brother, Floyd [my grandfather], obtained a position as Manager of the San Mihiel Apartment, 16th Street, near R.

All this time Betty was still the "heart" of the family and her shoulders were always available to cry on.  Her own troubles were kept to herself but any family problems, and there were always plenty, were her deep concern.  She was always cheerful and vivacious and ready with a snappy comeback, which earned her the affectionate nick-name of "Aunt Sassy".

I never heard her complain of her lot in the slightest degree, and I realize now that she must have had many financial worries.  She was adamant about independence.  One time, when I started to teach (my first job) she told me the best advice she could give was never to live beyond my means.  (I was earning $40 per month!)  She said: "I have no trouble keeping books.  I need only two columns - "I got" and "I spent", and I'm careful the second column doesn't exceed the first."

After Betty's tenure at the San Mihiel, she bought, at a terrific bargain and on easy terms, a small house in Burleith [in NW Washington, DC, just north of the current location of Georgetown University], where she lived with her elder daughter, both working in the Government.

Ill health and a serious operation forced her retirement, perhaps twenty years later, and at this time of life, for the first time, she accepted temporarily some financial help from her younger daughter and son-in-law, who then lived in Cleveland.

Later, her older daughter married; the house was paid for and finally sold at a phenomenal profit and Betty came to Florida.  Still independent to the nth degree, she purchased a condominium apartment near her younger daughter and family.  They gave her devoted love and attention until her death.

She was "cocky", "sassy", and amusing to all who knew her.  She kept in touch with all the family and was deeply loved by them.  Her home, wherever it happened to be, was always a welcome and inviting haven for family and friends and her hospitality was renowned, as well as her cheerful, independent nature.  We MISS her - the Matriarch of the family, and shining example of fortitude, love, and generosity, despite great odds.

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What a lovely tribute to an incredible daughter, sister, wife, mother, and grandmother.  She makes all the Cissel clan proud. My mother, Rink Cissel Neuhauser, tells me that when a house fire in the 50's at our house in Brookdale (before I was born) required my Dad, John Patrick Cissel (b. 1923), my Mom, and my two oldest siblings, John Floyd Cissel ( b. 1953) and my sister, Nancy Boyd Cissel Wiegand (b. 1957) to move out for several months during repairs, it was Betty who generously offered her house in Burleith to my family.  Evidently, she had retired and was spending much of the winter months down in Florida with relatives, leaving her house vacant at times.  Just one more example of her loyalty to family and unselfish dedication to helping others.